Thirsty For Some Hype

Even Marco Rubio is playing Marco Rubio drinking games –  @Brad Plummer

Glug, glug, glug.

Of course, by now, most of you saw or at least heard about “rising Republican star” Marco Rubio’s awkward chug-a-lug the other night, right?

Glug, glug, glug.

When your actions make every, single, late-night show playlist, and the Twitter-sphere lights up in minutes, you know it’s a hoot.


It was the “glug” heard round the world.

Well, ok, maybe it wasnt exactly front page news in Bora-Bora, but it was pretty fun to watch, nonetheless.

But in case you weren’t amused with the thirsty senator from Florida and his awkward sideways reach-over-to-grab-the-Poland-Spring-while keeping-eye-contact-with-the-camera move , I can tell you that I was not at all amused by the substance of his rebuttal.

The real laugher of the Republican response #1 (Rand Paul gave rebuttal to the rebuttal) was the Rubio explanation that Medicare and government backed student loans are peachy-keen when old Marco Rubio and his family need them, but really sucky when anyone else does.

It is moments like these that make me wanna lunge for something cold to drink, to wash away the bitter taste of Republican greed and hypocrisy.


Besides the fact that Rubio is an empty-suit, the newest flavor-of-the-month, peddled to the masses as some sort of Republican “savior” (admittedly this party does need some savin’), and used for his ethnicity quite openly at this point, he did nothing to promote any of this new, supposed, Republican branding fever apparently sweeping the RNC.

By all accounts, his nervous, brow-wiping, sweaty, cotton-mouthed speech that made high-school debate team members around the country chuckle for its amateur hour delivery, was– same old, same old– in as far as it went right back to the Romney-Ryan screed that “big-government baaaad/tax cuts for rich goooood.”

Rubio, the self-promoted son of supposed exiled Cuban immigrants who has had to back-track about that family history, and claims he lives a “middle-class life” in his 675,000 dollar home in Florida (now up for sale so he can move to…hehe…D.C.), took a page right from the Paul Ryan playbook when he spoke glowingly about how Medicare saved his daddy, and now his mommy from becoming bankrupt due to healthcare costs. He gushed about how student loans from Uncle Sam saved his own behind and got him through college so that he could be the new Republican shiny thing to bedazzle everyone.

Ain’t ‘merica great?

Ah but then there’s that kicker. There is always a kicker with these Republicans. You see, Marco and his family have benefitted by these super-terrific government programs, but now we clearly need to “fix” them, a.k.a. gut the living shit out of them, so that nobody else will reap the same wonderful rewards as he and his family did. Oh, and don’t forget to cut the millionaires taxes along the way. Trickle down! Trickle down!

In other words you fifty-somethings and below, I got mine now baby, so the rest of you can f*ck off. The candy store is closed for the rest of y’all.

This is some sort of “re-brand” of the Republican party? Huh?

Lets be real. Rubio has no new “bold” ideas that one would expect from a “savior.” His rebuttal speech was replete with typical, worn-out, “Obama is a big-government, socialist, doofus” themes of the last 5 years. Yawn.

He says that the “government can’t change the weather” so climate-change is a non-starter. Screw you kids, enjoy the floods and the droughts and the locusts–we’ll be dead.

He is anti-gay marriage. He will be just another creep-wad on the wrong side of history on this civil-rights issue.

Oh, but he just now jumped on the bandwagon of immigration reform which was pretty much already fought over and crafted by his party years before and extolled by our President already, but hey, thanks for playing Marco.

But really, that deer-in-the-headlights moment with the sippy-bottle was a moment of clarity for many of us. Pump out your b.s. and the body reacts in subtle ways. The throat tightens, the mouth dries up. Teeth start sticking to the flaky lips. Just like a lie-detector machine records uncontrollable responses of the body like heart-rate and blood-pressure, that Rubio parched-mouth told me all I needed to know about his ideas and his own belief in them…not to mention the glaring proof that he is not exactly ready for prime time.

Rubio is the new toy in the big box, ready to be unwrapped, played with, and then discarded behind the couch once the big-boys tire of using him.

You can put lip-stick on a pig, but it’s still a pig…

…albeit a thirsty one.


About Blithering Idiot

I am a teacher and I love my job.
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2 Responses to Thirsty For Some Hype

  1. Learning the hard way says:

    From the Antipodes, I LOVE your insight. Thank you 🙂

  2. Thank you very much for the compliment and for teaching this old girl a new word (Antipodes) that I (sadly) should have known before now 🙂

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