Freedom from Facts

Independence Day!

Image by CR Artist via Flickr

On this Fourth of July, we celebrate our history and give thanks we do live in a great country, based on the proposition  “… that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.”

So, let’s hear from the leading ladies of fractured historical facts on this great holiday, Sarah and Michele.

Sarah Palin {reading notes off of her hand}: Well Michele, it’s the Fourth of July and I will be crisscrossing this great country of ours with Todd and the kids so that I can show how really patriotic I am. I mean, what is more American than hopping into a tour bus, claiming it’s a family vacation and paid for through donations to my PAC , spouting off totally ridiculous stories about our founding and bungling historical names, dates, and  happenings at every stop and then blaming the media for my dumbass-ness while quitting halfway through and lying about having jury duty as a reason. You betcha.

Michele Bachmann {Looking off to the right of Sarah Palin the entire time}: Well Sarah, that’s fantastic! As for myself, I will be celebrating the Fourth of July in New Hampshire, where I STILL say those first shots of the Revolutionary War were fired. By the way Sarah, did you know that I have raised 23 foster kids? Anyway, when I’m not being cornered by those terrifying lesbians in bathrooms or crouching in bushes during a gay-rights rally, I’ll have time to continue my presidential campaign. I will, however, stop and take time to celebrate the holiday and think about how our Founding Fathers, like John Wayne, worked tirelessly until the slaves were freed on Christmas. What a great present that must have been! Did you know I raised 258 foster children, Sarah? But I bet our President won’t be doing any celebrating on our great national holiday. He’s too busy praying to Allah as he bows in the direction of his Kenyan homeland five times a day to make sure all the homosexuals have the right to marry and continue their “barbarian” lifestyles like my leader husband says right after he cashes his socialist Medicaid checks.

Look, we know these two ladies don’t know their asses from their elbows when it comes to American history…or world history…or pretty much anything having to do with reality. What we do know is that they and the tri-corner hat wearing, flag waving, birther believing, Tea Party brethren have this almost cult-like reverence for the founding documents and the Founding Fathers. The problem is, they do not really understand the time period, or the decades of debate and disagreements that our ancestors wrestled with in order to do what they did. They hold up these documents, wave them around and demand that we adhere to them. Their version of them. Oh, except some of those pesky amendments like the 14th, 16th, 17th, and any others that get in the way of their ideological bent. The living document that they drool over needs to be altered to fit their worldview of an America gone bad. Kind of like Girls Gone Wild without the gratuitous sex and naked college coeds.

This strain of political ideology is particularly scary because their foundation is cracked. They sincerely hate education and sneer as they call anyone who tries to correct their historical errors as “elitist”. Truth be told, ignorance of history is imperative for the continuation of their agenda. They will twist the facts to help their cause and who is any the wiser? The people who watch FOX News? Bwahahahahaha. They will simply double-down on their laughable errors and try to make us believe that 8 year-old boys worked tirelessly to end slavery. They will implore us to read and re-read the Constitution and then mistakenly use a quote from the Declaration of Independence to prove how great the Constitution is. They will take a tour of Paul Revere’s home and then create a fairytale full of mistruths about the man’s role in our history. It’s become a rite of passage for a Tea Party candidate. Pass out the party favors and git ‘er done!

In and of themselves, these mistakes would seem harmless, but it is the larger picture that becomes important. If you don’t march in lockstep to God, guns, and their simpleton version of the Founders you are a commie, socialist, elitist, Nazi, and gasp…un-American. If you try to hold their feet to the fire and get them to actually admit they made a mistake of fact they label you “lamestream” and blame everyone else but themselves. They want their country “back”. Back from who, people who are smarter than a 5th grader? Hell, people who are smarter than a cucumber?

The problem with their bouts of ignorance is that it takes away from any true debate we could be having in this country about tons of important issues. The problem with their bouts of historical error is that the people who believe what they say don’t seem to care that they don’t tell the truth or know any facts. If it has a ring of “truthiness” it’s just fine and dandy. The problem with their bouts of insanity is that they use that same twisted logic and factual ommissions to form public policy. That is the real problem. That is the scary problem. That is the pressing problem of our time. There are no facts about climate change, or tax rates that have never been lower in our history, or corporate greed overtaking the middle-class lifestyle, or that President Obama was born in this country and is a Christian. On this Fourth of July, the facts are that there are a lot of leaders in our government who want you to not have to think too hard about anything. God, guns, and the Founding Fathers will set you free. It’s all so simple, so easy, so brainless. On this Fourth of July I leave you with this Founding Father’s words of wisdom:

“Some men look at constituti­ons with sanctimoni­ous reverence, and deem them like the ark of the covenant, too sacred to be touched. They ascribe to the men of the preceding age a wisdom more than human, and suppose what they did to be beyond amendment…But I know also, that laws and institutio­ns must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightene­d, as new discoverie­s are made, new truths disclosed, and manners and opinions change with the change of circumstan­ces, institutions must advance also, and keep pace with the times.”

-Thomas Jefferson

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About Blithering Idiot

I am a teacher and I love my job.
This entry was posted in Fourth of July, Fox News Channel, Humor, Michele Bachmann, politics, Sarah Palin, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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